Being a Mom (and a kiasu one at that)
I have been reading lotsa forums since beginning my life as a SAHM (sitting infront of the computer doing something 'non-child' related helps to keep my life in 'balance'.. sort of..). One of them is kiasuparents.com.
I know... kiasu parents have a .com... and how could they not? In this information-laden age, internet is where things are AT. Most of the issues talked about in the forums are very 'SG-centric' and more than once, i felt genuinely RELIEVED that i am physically away from the issues faced by modern day Sporean parents (from comparing curriculum of preschool to sourcing the most effective way in bringing up brainy kids). At the very least, i am not residing in an environment where i am surrounded (at least physically.. but emotionally and mentally is another story) by people who are preoccupied with such issues, hence i guess it is easier for me to ignore them.
Still... does that make me a NOT kiasu parent?
Like i said, information travels these days and i AM looking through numerous posts on kiasuparents.com... Can i not be? Especially since there is a possibility that we will all go back to that... someday? Yes.. i do worry.. that Kiddo will be wholly 'unprepared', 'uninitiated' and 'cant catch up' with a whole generation of 'well-prepared' peers in a few years time. While her peers may be doing dictation at 4-5yr old, she could be still running around creating a mess in the preschool in Melb. God knows how 'far behind' she may be if we have to go back then for her to start official schooling in SG. I gave serious thought of "preparing" her for going back to SG.
Not just that, even now I note her progress and blogs them down, add them onto my 'Circle of Mom' thingy on Facebook. I tweet about what she can do and adds them to my FB status. Sometimes, i can't help myself but look through the lists of milestones and try to evaluate how much she has achieved, then talk to the Hub about them. I have to confess, i have even secretly harboured hopes that perhaps Kiddo is 'gifted' only to seriously whack myself left right and centre about being going overboard.
But the crux is, i am dying NOT to be a kiasu parent. I don't want to have to 'compete' and 'compare' then worry... But, it is tough not to some times... especially when people ask me what can Kiddo do now (family are the worse offenders!). In fact, i wouldnt and dont ask other people with kids that question becos i think it's rude and set up unnecessary platform for comparisons. I dont want to appear to be 'boasting' if i say that Kiddo can do certain things and dont want to feel stress if Kiddo cant do certain things.
And in a weird way, being so conscious of not wanting to appear KS and worrying abt being competitive, i have started to downplay some of the 'achievements' Kiddo has made when others praise her. And then, it hits me... i am acting like the type of parents which i said i did not want to be either. The traditional sort (like what i grew up with), that doesnt seem to think that their kids are doing anything well (even if they are, cos it wouldnt appear modest) and make disparaging remarks about what they can do to other people.
It is a damn fine line.
I want to sing out praises of my own kid but don't want others to think i am trying to compete with them.
So how? I have to constantly 'ground' myself and focus on what's infront of me, and to ignore the things i read, the questions i get, the internal comparisons that creeps up from time to time. To love what i have in Kiddo, to appreciate her good health, to embrace her achievements and to accept her challenges. To not overthink what i should say or appear to other people and just enjoy all i have in her. To not overworry about what the future may hold for her even if we may go back one day. To let HER show us the way instead of worrying how should i strike out a path for her.
It all goes back to Kiddo actually. Happiness lies in her being happy and healthy...
I guess i just got to stop second-guessing myself, worrying abt being this or that... and stop reading forums for a bit. :)
I know... kiasu parents have a .com... and how could they not? In this information-laden age, internet is where things are AT. Most of the issues talked about in the forums are very 'SG-centric' and more than once, i felt genuinely RELIEVED that i am physically away from the issues faced by modern day Sporean parents (from comparing curriculum of preschool to sourcing the most effective way in bringing up brainy kids). At the very least, i am not residing in an environment where i am surrounded (at least physically.. but emotionally and mentally is another story) by people who are preoccupied with such issues, hence i guess it is easier for me to ignore them.
Still... does that make me a NOT kiasu parent?
Like i said, information travels these days and i AM looking through numerous posts on kiasuparents.com... Can i not be? Especially since there is a possibility that we will all go back to that... someday? Yes.. i do worry.. that Kiddo will be wholly 'unprepared', 'uninitiated' and 'cant catch up' with a whole generation of 'well-prepared' peers in a few years time. While her peers may be doing dictation at 4-5yr old, she could be still running around creating a mess in the preschool in Melb. God knows how 'far behind' she may be if we have to go back then for her to start official schooling in SG. I gave serious thought of "preparing" her for going back to SG.
Not just that, even now I note her progress and blogs them down, add them onto my 'Circle of Mom' thingy on Facebook. I tweet about what she can do and adds them to my FB status. Sometimes, i can't help myself but look through the lists of milestones and try to evaluate how much she has achieved, then talk to the Hub about them. I have to confess, i have even secretly harboured hopes that perhaps Kiddo is 'gifted' only to seriously whack myself left right and centre about being going overboard.
But the crux is, i am dying NOT to be a kiasu parent. I don't want to have to 'compete' and 'compare' then worry... But, it is tough not to some times... especially when people ask me what can Kiddo do now (family are the worse offenders!). In fact, i wouldnt and dont ask other people with kids that question becos i think it's rude and set up unnecessary platform for comparisons. I dont want to appear to be 'boasting' if i say that Kiddo can do certain things and dont want to feel stress if Kiddo cant do certain things.
And in a weird way, being so conscious of not wanting to appear KS and worrying abt being competitive, i have started to downplay some of the 'achievements' Kiddo has made when others praise her. And then, it hits me... i am acting like the type of parents which i said i did not want to be either. The traditional sort (like what i grew up with), that doesnt seem to think that their kids are doing anything well (even if they are, cos it wouldnt appear modest) and make disparaging remarks about what they can do to other people.
It is a damn fine line.
I want to sing out praises of my own kid but don't want others to think i am trying to compete with them.
So how? I have to constantly 'ground' myself and focus on what's infront of me, and to ignore the things i read, the questions i get, the internal comparisons that creeps up from time to time. To love what i have in Kiddo, to appreciate her good health, to embrace her achievements and to accept her challenges. To not overthink what i should say or appear to other people and just enjoy all i have in her. To not overworry about what the future may hold for her even if we may go back one day. To let HER show us the way instead of worrying how should i strike out a path for her.
It all goes back to Kiddo actually. Happiness lies in her being happy and healthy...
I guess i just got to stop second-guessing myself, worrying abt being this or that... and stop reading forums for a bit. :)
